


I Just Want to Go Home

by areyoutherelarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 20:49:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1098454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyoutherelarry/pseuds/areyoutherelarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cancer treatments aren’t working and Zayn just wants to go home to Liam and their kids.</p><p> </p><p>002. a death scene</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Just Want to Go Home

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own them.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn says hoarsely, “I just want to go home.” He’s so sincere it makes Liam’s chest ache and his eyes burn.

“Shut up,” Liam responds affectionately, “Don’t say you’re sorry.” His voice is hoarse as well but from the tears he’s trying to hold back.

“Did you just tell a dying man to shut up?” Zayn questions fondly. Liam looks immediately stricken and Zayn smiles. He reaches out to caress Liam’s cheek and Liam kisses his palm. His body is so ravaged from the cancer and treatments that his hands are skeletal and Liam worries with too much pressure he’ll break the delicate digits.

“Babe, you can’t give up,” Liam whispers into his palm.

“I’m not trying to give up. I just know nothing has worked, my odds are shit, and I don’t want to die in this fucking place.”

“There’s the experimental treatment.”

“That I would have to go to America to get and it probably won’t even work. The odds weren’t even thirty-seventy. Do you really want to uproot the kids so that they can watch me die in another country away from their schools and friends and family?”

Liam presses his lips together, but it doesn’t stop the tears from slipping out of his eyes and making their way down his cheeks.

“Okay, okay, let’s take you home.”

 “Thank you.”

Zayn stays at the hospital for another two days so that Liam can prepare the house and the kids for Zayn’s welcome home. He hires a nurse because he knows Zayn is going to need more medicine than he’s willing to inflict him with and he knows Zayn hasn’t been able to keep pills down in months. He has Harry teach him how to make soup and Niall helps him set everything up.

Their eldest, Leena, lets out a strangled scream and runs to her room when Liam tells her Zayn is coming home. When Liam moves to follow her, Niall shakes his head and follows her while gesturing generally in the twins’ direction. The twins, Amelia and Oliver, look torn between being concerned because of their sister’s outburst and excited that their dad is coming home.

“Papa, is it okay to be happy that daddy is coming home?” Amelia asks.

“Of course, love.”

“I miss him,” Oliver says.

“Me too, Ollie,” Liam murmurs as he kisses the twins on the head, “You two should go make cards for when daddy comes home, he’ll love that.”

The twins grin and head off to their playroom. Amelia hopping as she chatters on about the things she wants to do now that Zayn is coming home. Liam smiles sadly because too many of the things she lists Zayn is too weak to do. He hopes movie nights curled up on the couch will appease their little girl.

His body feels heavy as he moves to walk up the stairs to Leena’s spray-painted bedroom. Nearly a year ago, right before Zayn had been diagnosed with stage three lung cancer, Leena and Zayn had spent three days spray-painting all of her favorite things on her walls. When Liam finally gets there, he sees Niall softly shutting the door. He can hear wrangled sobs through the walls. He feels the tears spring to his eyes. He has never wanted to cry this much in his entire life but these circumstances are like nothing he’s faced in his life.

“She knows,” Niall lilts. Niall doesn’t smile; there’s not a hint of happiness on his face. Liam doesn’t know what to do with serious Niall. But that really isn’t all that new, he doesn’t know what to do with dying Zayn, either.

“I figured.”

“Fuck.”

“I know I’ve been asking a lot of everyone lately but could you stay a little bit longer and help the twins with their cards.”

“Of course, Li. I’m going to call Barbara, see if she can grab some Nando’s, and swing by here for dinner.”

“You’re the best.” That elicits a grin and Liam is glad Niall’s somewhat back to normal.

He knocks on the door and talks through it, “Leena, can I come in?”

He doesn’t get a response, but he thinks that’s better than a no. He slides into her room. She’s lying on her bed, her face buried into the stuffed iguana Zayn picked out for her. Her body shakes with the sobs.

“How long before he dies?” She demands; he nearly jumps because she doesn’t even look up at him or acknowledge his presence other than the fierce question.

“The doctors say optimistically five to eight months.”

“What about pessimistically?”

“We’re not going to think that way.”

“Why does he want to leave us? Does he not love us?”

“Leena, you know better than that. You know your dad loves the four of us more than anything in the world.”

“Then why isn’t he fighting it?”

“You know, I said the same thing to him. When he told me at the hospital, I got really mad at him for a minute. Because, like you, I wanted your dad to keep fighting, but then your dad got this real sad look on his face and he told me why. He said nothing worked, he didn’t want to go to America and die there, and he missed you guys and wanted to be here with you not in the hospital. You know, we’re being kind of selfish in the best possible way, but daddy’s been all alone at that hospital trying to fight and he keeps losing and now he just wants to be with his family because he’s scared.  He wants to spend all the time he can with us.”

“But I don’t want him to die.”

“Me neither,” Liam sighs as he pulls her to his chest. Her face is red and puffy, and he can feel her tears and snot seep through his shirt.  

The next morning Liam goes to pick Zayn up at the hospital. He’s sitting in a wheelchair in his room after Liam finishes up all the paperwork. He looks so frail and Liam is terrified they’re going to break him before the cancer does. He smiles winningly at Liam and Liam grins back.

“Hey babe.”

“Leeyum,” Zayn mock shouts because his lungs aren’t up for a real one.

“God, I love you.”

“Good.”

Liam just stares at him and finally Zayn smirks, “Love you too.”

Liam makes sure that Zayn is comfortable in the passenger seat with the heated seat on before he loads everything else into the car.

With the afternoon traffic, it takes them forty-five minutes to get back to their home. Zayn falls asleep ten minutes into the drive after asking after the children. When they pull into the garage, Liam strokes Zayn’s face to wake him up.

“Zee,” he calls, “Wake up.”

Zayn moans before blinking his eyes, “’M sorry, Li.”

“Nothing to be sorry for. I got to get the wheelchair out of the back.”

“Don’t want it,” Zayn clears his throat and rubs his eyes.

“Zayn,” Liam reprimands softly.

“Please,” Zayn pleads.

“I don’t know.”

“Come on, you may be forty-five, but you’re still the strapping Payne Train. You can still get pitiful ole me into the house and to my spot in the living room.”

“You suck,” Liam responds, but he climbs out of the car and walks around to the passenger seat. He helps Zayn out of the car and he feels his stomach drop when he feels how light he is. He could carry him pretty far if he needed to and it makes his eyes wet.

“Thanks, Liam.”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

When they get in the door, everyone is there. Zayn’s parents, his sisters, Liam’s parents, his sisters, Louis, Harry, their kids, Niall, Barbara, their daughter, Leena, Oliver, and Amelia all stand in the kitchen. There’s a big banner strung across the room and Amelia can’t stop bouncing around.

“Daddy,” she screams and rushes them. Liam maneuvers them so that he’ll take the brunt of Amelia’s jump. She gives him a disconcerted look and crosses her arms, “I know not to jump, Papa. Uncle Louis told me daddy’s still sick.”

Liam gives Louis a grateful look and he nods in response.

“That’s right, baby girl, but I still want all the snuggles and kisses. Just wait till I can get to sitting down,” Zayn placates her ruffling Amelia’s curls.

“Can I give you a hug?” She asks.

“Of course, Mia.”

Amelia wraps her arms gently around Zayn’s waist pressing her face softly into his side. He puts his hand on her back and pulls her closer. Liam has his arm around Zayn’s back and Zayn leans more heavily into Liam’s side. Liam looks down, but Zayn’s smiling at their daughter even though his eyes are shining.

“Leena, Ollie?” Zayn asks.

At the issuance of his name, Ollie sprints towards them skidding to a stop right next to Amelia, grabs Zayn’s free hand, and nuzzles under it. Leena comes closer. She looks Zayn up and down; she looks Liam up and down. Then she sprints to her room. Zayn looks forlornly at Liam and he looks sadly back at him.

“I should,” Liam says to the room.

“No, I’ll go Uncle Liam,” Niall and Barbara’s daughter, Brianna, says as she heads for the stairs.

Zayn turns his face into Liam’s neck and Liam can feel the wetness, “I need to sit down.”

“Let’s move this party to the living room,” Harry calls.

They walk into the living room. Liam helps Zayn get settled on the couch and he really doesn’t want to share Zayn with all these people but he knows he has to. He knows these people love him too. Amelia and Oliver take up spots on either side of Zayn, and they don’t let anyone else get a word in edgewise. Liam sits in the armchair next to the sofa. He wants so bad to sit next to Zayn, but he needs to let everyone else have this time. Zayn listens intently to everyone’s tales and asks soft questions.

Twenty minutes after her departure, Leena sneaks into the living room. She picks up Amelia who squawks in indignation, but she settles her younger sister in her lap. Leena lifts up Zayn’s arm and snuggles under it. Zayn kisses her forehead and she looks adoringly up at him. She says something to him that Liam can’t hear but Zayn smiles genuinely at her and says something back. She smiles and tucks her face into Zayn’s side. She doesn’t acknowledge anybody else for the rest of the evening.

Harry makes Zayn’s favorite, Thai coconut soup. Zayn chews slowly and methodically, but he doesn’t grimace when he swallows which is what Liam is waiting for. At around seven, Zayn starts to get more droopy than usual. Liam thanks everyone for coming and ushers them out of the house. The kids all whine, but Liam tells them they can talk to their dad tomorrow. Liam lifts Zayn off the couch who protests that he can walk. Liam lets him try and they make their way painfully to the stairs.

Zayn nearly falls onto their bed while Liam gets something for him to change into. He grabs a pair of flannel pants, wool socks, and one of Liam’s worn sweatshirts. The flannel pants were Zayn’s last year and when Liam helps him pull them on, they gape. Liam sucks in a breath, but helps Zayn undress more. Liam gets Zayn settled in their bed. He’s missed crawling into bed next to the love of his life.  

“I’m sorry I’m so useless, Liam, maybe I was better off at the hospital,” Zayn sighs.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Liam replies sincerely and kisses Zayn on the forehead.

“Then why won’t you kiss me?”

“I just did.”

“Leeyum.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes, your lips are fucking made of steel; they’re going to break my fragile face.”

“Shut up,” Liam hisses, but there’s no bite behind it. He places his hand on Zayn’s cheek and kisses his lips gently. Zayn’s lips are chapped and it’s a stark contrast to how soft they used to be. Liam doesn’t care though, and he licks the seam of Zayn’s mouth. Zayn opens his mouth and their tongues slide against each other. Zayn’s hands go to Liam’s neck and tug at the hairs at the nape. Liam moans into the kiss and he can feel Zayn trying to smirk.

Abruptly, Zayn pulls away and starts coughing. His coughing jag lasts for a few minutes and Liam rubs his back through it.

“I told you I don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s the best I’ve felt in weeks,” Zayn says after taking a few sips of water, “Next time, we just need to take more breathers.”

“If there is a next time,” Liam scoffs.

Zayn grabs the front of his shirt, “Liam Payne, even in my feeble state, I will fucking kill you in your sleep if you withhold on me.”

They get to celebrate all the major holidays. Zayn can only manage minimal amounts of energy, but the kids are all so excited to have him home. They celebrate Christmas, New Year’s, Zayn’s birthday, Valentine’s day, Leena’s birthday, Easter, and the twins’ birthday. Liam never forgets that these will probably be Zayn’s last so he tries to make them perfect. He succeeds for the most part and when he doesn’t Zayn tells him they’re perfect anyways.

Liam still takes the kids out. They go to parks, zoos, amusement parks, and museums. He tries to never be gone for more than a few hours at a time and he always makes sure that someone who loves Zayn is there with him. Usually, Harry comes and spends the day with Zayn. He always leaves a pot of soup on the stove and a smiley Zayn.                                                                                                                

It’s late one evening in July after Zayn has snuggled with all the kids and said how much he loves them and good night that Liam gets an ominous text.

 _Get up here now,_ it says.

Liam takes the step two at a time. He skids into their bedroom. Zayn is coughing lightly. When the door reverberates off the wall, Zayn looks up and glares at him.

“Don’t wake the kids.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Come here, Li.”

“Do you need something?”

“You. Get comfortable.”

Liam does as he’s told and pulls off his clothes till he’s only in his boxers.

“I’m sorry I’m going to miss your birthday,” Zayn whispers to him after he’s under the covers and settling into his pillow.

“You don’t know that,” Liam responds, “It’s only a month away.”

“Liam, this is it.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.”

“No.”

“Liam, I need you to kiss me right now.”

Liam does as he’s told and he puts everything he doesn’t know how to put into words into this last kiss. He runs his hands over Zayn and licks into his mouth. He’s gently reverent. He knows he’s crying, but when he runs his thumb along Zayn’s cheekbone he feels tears there too.

Liam pulls away and gazes into Zayn’s eyes, “I love you so much.”

“God, I know and I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.”

“I love you too. And the kids I love you all so much and I wish I had longer.”

“Me too, but I’m so glad I got to share so much of your life with you.”

“Me too, babe, me too.”

“Will you lay here with me until…” Zayn trails off.

“You know I will.”

Liam curls around Zayn’s back. He links their hands together. He doesn’t fall asleep, and he only lets go when Zayn is no longer breathing. He doesn’t want to, but he does. 

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate any feedback!


End file.
